Honk shoo honk shoo

new superpower
tiredest mama around
but feeling OK

Hello, neglected blog. Sorry it's been awhile. After the terrible horrible no good very bad week last week, I've had to spend most of this week recovering (as has young master Ike-a-saurus). He is on the mend, and I am catching up with my sleep. Finally. Whew.

Now I am in the throes of, "oh shit it's almost Christmas and I didn't buy any presents until the last minute and now I'm afraid I didn't get enough and what will I do now that the wee one AND the wee-er one have both spied a Santa present for Ike-a-saurus, uh-oh, jdfliugw.bjdbfougf"

Must get a hold of myself.

Sure, it's way more fun to panic about Christmas than it is to panic about your baby breathing, but even so: exhausting. Plus, I keep forgetting things. The wee one didn't bring a gift for his teacher - or even a card. I didn't send out cards or little Texas pecan pies to my agent and editors like I always do. I didn't do anything for my freelance contacts. Nothing.

Ah, well. It's too late now, and I guess there's a sort of freedom in having your life be so effed up that you can't do any of the silly trite things you're used to.

On the other hand, I really like doing those silly trite things.

I keep thinking about this time last year and how Ike-a-saurus was newly home from the hospital and well and trach free. It was such a nice time, free of the soul-crushing worry the rest of the year had had - and nearly the entire new year would have. It was our little vacation from trauma.

Things right now though aren't so bad. They could definitely be worse. But if you would have asked me last year if I would be thinking of gifts to get my home health nurses, and spending mornings on the phone changing durable medical equipment companies, and spending days upon days worried sick in the hospital, and suctioning a trach all the time, I would have been all, "Shit, better not start that Suck It 2008 Facebook group just yet, huh?"

So it's Christmas. I'm so happy it's here, but I hesitate to let myself be too happy, for fear of what's just around the corner. I've gotten MUCH better about living in the moment, but I could still do better.

What a fucking year, huh? It makes me shake to think about it.

Or maybe that's just the thought of how many over-compensatory Christmas presents I've bought the kids.

Either way. The shakes are no good. I am going to go out on a limb and blame the cold weather, though, and go get a cup of tea.

I will no longer taunt you, Universe. You have made me forget about tiny pecan pies and that is pretty hard core. Now I must soothe my soul with knowing that this year is almost over and next year it will be tiny pecan pies for everyone.

Unless I just jinxed it.

Comments

[Amy]

In the words of Garp, "The chances of another plane hitting this house are astronomical."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBSAeqdcZAM

[Kara]

May the new year bring you an assload of tiny pecan pie sending ability. (I'm pretty sure that phrase is going in my Xmas card next year.)

[lisaw]

I don't think there is a person in your world who's going to wonder why they didn't get a gift card, little pie, or card. Maybe you'll really do up Valentine's Day in 2010. I'm with Kara, may the new year bring you an assload of tiny pecan pie sending ability!! :-)

[leel]

phew. glad to see you back! sorry to hear its been rough. glad to hear its better. hope your holidays are event free and warmand snuggly at home with all your kidlets and hubby close by. there is something pretty sweet in NOT having the time to get worked up about christmas. And everyone will understand. heres to a great 2010!

[Kathy S]

If Christmas is too close to get it all done, you could try the following holiday alternative. Someone submitted it on Yarnharlot's blog last week:

"You could always celebrate Nerdigras instead. My geeky husband shared this with me from somewhere on the Internet:

Chris Wilson notices a mathematical-calendrical quirk: if March 5th is 35, then 35×35 = 1225 means that March 5th squared is December 25th, so March 5th is the square root of Christmas! Pair this with Pi Day (3/14), and you get a nerd celebration:

I hereby declare that:

* March 5th shall be known as the Square Root of Christmas and
* The 10-day interval between the Square Root of Christmas and Pi Day shall be known as Nerdigras"

I really love this!

Glad you are back, I prayed and worried all week.

[kitka]

Just hearing that all is well is a tiny pecan pie for your readers. Wishing you a less dramatic 2010!

[Amanda S.]

I don't think anyone will wonder nor be disappointed that you couldn't send tiny pecan pies. Give yourself the year off, and don't sweat it. You have plenty of karmic hall passes saved up.